00:00:13Brian Atlaswelcome to the whatever dating Talk podcast where we try to make sense of the modering hellscape I'm your host Brian Atlas we're coming to you live from Santa Barbara California a few quick announcements this podcast is
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00:03:06Brian Atlasa Discord oh my goodness this is long-winded we have a Discord discord.gg whatever we post our stream schedule behind the scenes hate mail a bunch of
00:03:15Brian Atlasother stuff guys uh last episode dating talk 226 I posted two different well three different videos actually behind the scenes we had to kick off a feral woman uh who refused to leave she was
00:03:29Brian Atlaskicked off off the show I don't anticipate that happening tonight we have a very uh Pleasant panel but uh she had to be removed because she was calling me the nword she was bringing up my
00:03:40Brian Atlasrace I felt it was it was uh anyways you know had to had to kick her out then she proceeded to cry in the hallway it was a whole thing she was eating and crying at
00:03:51Brian Atlasthe same time which is a is quite the site so and then there's the shoe gate situation from you know the whole shoe she refused to take her shoes off made a big S it whatever I described it as in
00:04:03Brian Atlasthe Stream we got the security camera footage it was way worse way worse than how I you know how it uh described on stream very compatitive anyways um
00:04:16Brian Atlasdiscord.gg whatever if you want to check it out okay uh disclaimer the views expressed by the guest do not necessarily reflect the views of the whatever Channel and last thing really quick I do want to give a heads up to the panel well I already told you guys
00:04:27Brian Atlasthis but to the audience uh we do have a lot to get through tonight um given the guests that we do have a lot of pre-show notes so the pace is going to be a little quicker tonight won't have too much time to linger On Any Given topic
00:04:39Brian Atlasbut uh uh we are going to be moving pretty fast so with that said without further Ado we're going to have the guests introduce themselves so please tell us your name age location
00:04:49Ayaoccupation and education go ahead all right I am Aya uh I'm 32 years old M uh my location is here but I originally
00:04:58Ayacame from Idaho and now I live in SF uh I have no education I was homeschooled MH and I make most of my money through research right now but I also have done
00:05:09Brian Atlassex stuff of varying sorts in the past when did you uh when did you start doing s work started sing about 2018 2018 okay um and what's the nature of the or I
00:05:20Ayaguess the scope of the S work that you've been involved in well I have ads online and then people email me and they're like hey can I meet up and I'm like yeah and then they show up and then we go to hotel room and then they give me money actually did it last night in
00:05:33Ayathe hotel room that I used to stay here so I met somebody are you guys sharing uh no we're the same Hotel not same Hotel oh wow okay yeah so a lovely
00:05:43Ayagentleman he's really great um okay yeah all right and uh what's I guess uh is there like a going rate or is it just kind of I Char 4K for the first hour and then a th each
00:05:55Brian Atlasadditional hour okay how many did he just do the one or was he like a baller and just it was a couple hours like how what if what if somebody wants like a day like 24 hours is that you give them a discount or I just changed it a little
00:06:05Ayabit I think it's like 40K or something maybe 30 okay it doesn't happen often I don't really escort that much anymore because I make more money from writing but um okay I still occasionally what do
00:06:16Andrew Wilsonyou what go what do you do with the hotel rooms you guys just um talk about things chess uh yes and also have entra course oh okay cool and uh you also did
00:06:29AyaO 2 is that correct and you were kind of an early adopter is my understanding yeah yeah I was one of the first I signed up first in 2017 um and then when it first hit I was
00:06:39Ayauh making around 100K a month very early um but now I don't work on it that much anymore it's kind of repetitive okay got it uh what about you uh my name is
00:06:50Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)Candace horbach I'm 35 I was in the adult industry from about 2001 to 2017 um I left I started a podcast that's what I'm doing now I'm in North Carolina
00:07:04Brian Atlasand splitting my time between there and Austin got it uh and any uh college or university or anything like that bachelor's degree in Psychology gotcha can you say which university or Coastal
00:07:15Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)Carolina and the funny thing is I'm not supposed to say that because when I I do now openly but when I was in school I had the dean actually bring me in and that was I was in film at the time and she's it was a very big deal that I was
00:07:27Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)on film and going to college so she was like just don't say you graduated from here I was like well now I'm going to do that at every opportunity I can cuz I spent a lot of money so you had uh you
00:07:38Brian Atlashad started doing uh cornography while you're still in college yes and she's like hey don't disclose because I see I see okay and
00:07:49Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)you were uh I'm sorry I just did my notes Here what did you say the last name was horbach it's it's I know it's it's supposed to be horbach but that is
00:07:58Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)like way too po for me or anyone to say so it's uh we just say horback it's not mine that is like super ironic but okay
00:08:08Brian AtlasI know I know written in the stars and um so you were in uh your senior year of University when you started doing sex work or um I think it was my junior I
00:08:19Brian Atlaswas going parttime mhm and was there like a period of time where like people didn't know but then like your fellow student body did they find out it came out pretty quick okay and like how was
00:08:31Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)that I guess going through maybe your senior year where like people knew maybe even your Junior I don't know amongst peers it was fine cuz when you're young like that people don't tend to be as judgmental and you don't really understand the ramification so you kind
00:08:44Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)of just like live in that moment and you can be kind of seduced by all of those things um Family obviously didn't take it well I think it's very rare that they do so that was an issue um but I feel
00:08:55Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)like most of the negative impacts of that decision came like way later after I got out actually okay and um uh are
00:09:06Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)you able to share the your creator name or yeah yeah I don't care I'm an open book yeah so my stage name was evalovia um I mean they both names are kind of
00:09:15Lily Phillipstied together in perpetuity got it okay um what about you um I'm Lily Phillips I am
00:09:24Lily Phillips23 I'm from darbishire in England I live in London um um what was the the question uh occupation occupation and uh
00:09:34Lily Phillipseducation adult star and the highest level education I think I got was a btech at College btech yes and was that like a so just before you go off to University you go to college in England
00:09:46Brian Atlasyou could rather go to college or do a levels and I went to college and did btech okay I mean and you recently uh and you've been on the show before so welcome back thank you um you've
00:09:57Brian Atlasrecently created quite a stir online with uh you filmed a uh a 100 per you slept with 100 men 101 101 get it right
00:10:08Brian Atlasyou snuck another one in there um uh and that was in December or November when was that I did that in October October okay and uh there was a documentary surrounding it went super viral
00:10:20Brian Atlaseverybody was com still is commenting on it I actually saw you did a recent interview with Russell BR is that yes interesting one definitely and so but
00:10:29Brian Atlasyou're now your eyes are set at you going to step it up what's going on number a thousand yeah H yeah so you're going to do a thousand in a in
00:10:40Unknowna day yes I was watching Australian check already do that paron I think she did a 100 or something what did you say sorry say I thought that Australian chick who was on the show already did
00:10:52Andrew Wilsonthat I don't know about that but yeah I did 101 and now I'm going for a thousand yeah I thought she did a Brian I I can reference the article though I think that the it was like the
00:11:03Andrew WilsonAustralian I don't know they have like a Sun Times or something and they were writing about that art or writing about that I'll I'll reference it but I thought yeah I thought that that had already been achieved I guess well my understanding with Lily here is whatever
00:11:16Brian Atlasthe record is you're going to break it yeah I want to break a record that's it doesn't matter who's done it before or whatever and then I guess what are the terms of that like how logistically a th
00:11:27Lily Phillipsthat's a lot like how are you going to it all has to be like penetrative and yeah just in out in out on like a conveyor about of Cox a conveyor about a
00:11:37Lily Phillips[ __ ] Carousel yeah yeah just okay amazing all right um and they each get like two minutes or how does that less less like 40 seconds i' probably say
00:11:49Lily Phillipslike honestly each of them get like five seconds for a second just to see yeah like they get one thrust yeah one thrust each so this was um apparently the
00:11:59Andrew Wilsonrecord set by Bonnie Blue it was 1057 men the single day that's who I was referencing by the Australian chick but yeah so iess I guess that's been done so
00:12:09Brian Atlasyou you got so you got to go up to like 1100 this is like Cristiano Ronaldo liel Messi like this is do you guys have beef or you guys no no homies you and this
00:12:20Lily Phillipsother girl yeah she's she works my industry do you guys motivate each other like do motivate just you want to keep yeah we can keep [ __ ] up you know what there's enough guys in this world to [ __ ] us both so British sorry she's
00:12:33Lily PhillipsBritish not Australian my bad there is another Australian woman who I was mentioning this to her before the show who also did like yeah I feel like now now like the the high numbers has come out there's been like a lot of people
00:12:45Brian Atlassay they want to do it another Turkish girl say she wants to do 100 she got ared who was the one who did like the virgins was that the a virgins virgin or the you did the Virgin wait I didn't do
00:12:57Brian Atlasan all virgin but you did like 20 I did 23 okay we did like a 23 man bang okay but and then we that day we'd done 37 yeah and how do you find it like is it a like a Craigslist at or I guess that
00:13:09Lily Phillipsjust put put the address online whoever can shop can shop you do like TV ads or Billboards or you should do literally just like just social media the Power of social media Tik Tok Twitter Instagram
00:13:20Lily Phillipsjust post the IG story yeah hell yeah what's what's like the title of the pitch I think my Myst yeah my my poster was like want to break a world record or something or
00:13:32Brian Atlasanother like that and it was just like you know textas number and then um another thing that kind of recently went viral I don't know if this was just kind of like a bit or whatever but I saw you you did a video where you were walking
00:13:44Lily Phillipsin the streets of with spunk on my face with with yes um was that real like actually you should see the the actual video I did put it on PornHub so you can
00:13:54Lily Phillipsgo VI it but um the one of the guys who cuz I did like um a threesome with two guys and one of the guys is called plaster mat and he has the biggest loads I've ever seen and I was like I was so
00:14:06Lily Phillipsamazed I was like I need to go onto the street with this on my face cuz it's just so amazing like honestly it he's alien like it's that much com he's alien yeah
00:14:18Brian Atlasthat's interesting okay it looks and it looks like fake com cuz it's so much but it's really not you should see the video and uh okay anyways you were you walked around you filmed yourself okay um that
00:14:29Brian AtlasAl went viral um what's next for Lily Phillips at the end of this month I'm doing a Skydive where I suck a guys Park skydiving sex scene yeah somebody's done that I haven't seen anyone do it not the
00:14:41Lily Phillipspeople do parag guiding but I want to do skydiving Sky div yeah cuz parag is pretty easy Tough sex on what's after that you going to suck a dick in space
00:14:51Brian Atlashell yeah Elon Musk she's wow he can get ambitious this is very ambitious um wow okay cool well we'll get we'll get into some of that more stuff as we uh get through the show what about you I'm
00:15:03Becca SliderBecca slider I'm a confidence coach and a speaker and I host a podcast and then I'm also a 1% Creator on only fans all right uh age 43 okay and uh where where
00:15:15Brian Atlasare you from where do you live Ohio I just totally stopped short sorry about that and uh educ an unfinished degree and counseling unfinished did you get your ass it will not be finished no okay and uh my understanding at least what
00:15:29Becca Slideryou indicated to us in your pre-show notes you used to be a pastor correct I was a pastor for which denomination it's non- denominational okay yeah um so you were like I don't know the process were you ordained how does that work uh yeah ordained so it would be more of an
00:15:41Becca SliderEvangelical style of church okay and then you were um like were you raised as a Christian oh yeah I was raised Conservative Christian also non non denominational n denominational and then
00:15:52Becca Sliderdid you have to go to like a school to become a pastor or how does that work no um it depends on the church you're in every denomination is very different as to what they allow and a lot of denominations do not allow women to be
00:16:02Becca Sliderin Ministry yeah and how long were you a pastor for um on staff and and then unpaid as well 10 years 10 years mhm but
00:16:12Becca Sliderno longer no actually about uh five six years ago I not only walked away stepped down from Ministry I walked away from the church I deconstructed my faith which was one of the hardest most
00:16:23Becca Sliderpainful things I've ever done in my life and uh yeah now I'm I would consider myself spiritual but absolutely do not subscribe to any Christian beliefs so you're maybe agnostic yeah that would
00:16:35Andrew Wilsonprobably be more accurate as an umbrella statement all right you you went through the process of Christian deconstruction yeah MH okay Y what uh just if you don't mind me asking very briefly sure what
00:16:46Andrew Wilsonwas the most compelling argument for deconstruction for you the compelling argument to begin deconstruction no the compelling argument that led to you finally walking away from deconstruction
00:16:58Becca Slidersure yeah it was actually getting really honest about the fact that the beliefs that are Staples of Christianity are all founded in fear they're not actually they're they're masked in love but they are founded in fear and therefore very
00:17:10Andrew Wilsonunsupportive to a life that is eliminating fear and shame yeah so so they it wasn't any historical argument or anything like that it was something which was
00:17:22Becca Sliderfoundational to how you felt about your life fear this type of thing yeah I would say that would be the the foundational part and then you said as far as like some of the things in the Bible that you can tear apart I didn't
00:17:35Becca Slidereven get into a lot of those but I follow a lot of people who kind of tear them apart and it's pretty easy to see the holes I see okay all right what about
00:17:44Carlyyou hi yeah I'm Carly I'm 21 and I'm originally from Santa Barbara actually but I live in LA right now um and I go to college and I also model part-time
00:17:57Carlylike fashion industry so sure what are you studying in college I'm actually studying marketing like I'm planning on going into like fashion marketing and advertising I don't know it's I enjoy it
00:18:07Katrinalike I really like being down there cool what about you um my name's Katrina from Ottawa Ontario Canada I'm a bartender
00:18:17Brian Atlassince I was 17 I have a high school education age 35 89 was born in 89 okay and you said
00:18:29Daniellejust high school education y okay all right what about you hi my name is Danielle I am 30 I am from Elmont
00:18:39DanielleOntario uh very small town uh I went to school for addiction um along with Justice studies and police foundations
00:18:48Danielleuh college level and then also uh worked for the government of Canada as an administrative assistant along with
00:18:57Danielleserving uh part fulltime so a lot of workload and that's my sister is the day is the day of the r
00:19:06Daniellehigher sorry is the day of the rake coming the maple Revolution Is it is it coming to
00:19:14UpgradeCanada maybe maybe not against it go ahead hello I'm upgrade this is my
00:19:23Upgradesecond time on the whatever podcast I'm 22 and and I am a singer songwriter and I came here to promote my third song um
00:19:37Brian Atlassay I love you yeah no you came here to have discussion you don't admit oh my God okay uh go ahead sing let's hear you
00:19:47Upgradesing go ahead do you like Eda James At Last scir watches the show yeah go ahead sing it I have to do my research yeah no that's go ahead that's my go-to
00:20:10Upgradesorry my love has come [Music] along my lonely days are
00:20:23Upgradeover and laugh is like a s [Music]
00:20:34Brian Atlasall right there you go that was PR good A little uh a little flourish there at the beginning I was like where where she going with this but no it's good it was good all right Andrew what about
00:20:46Andrew Wilsonyou I'm not I'm not going to sing a song no sh no my name is my name is now you have now I'm the host of The Crucible to popular entertainment Channel on YouTube
00:20:58Andrew WilsonI'm a political analyst a political saturnist I engage in debates and conversations all around the world and I'm happy to be here tonight and talking with all of you all right welcome everybody we have uh two chats coming in here I'm going to let them come in from
00:21:11TTS/Donationsmetromat sorry for the delay on these metromat donated $200 wow Brian you really outed yourself this time the ultimate D gen panel can't
00:21:22Brian Atlaswait to hear the grift from the P Stars oh man okay do you guys want to respond to these Metro Mt here I love it takes one to No
00:21:33Brian AtlasOne Metro matad sorry to need to be a to no a peace car that's a new one everybody pay attention to this guy uh yo Metro Matt thank you man appreciate it um sorry for the delays on these we
00:21:46TTS/Donationsjust wanted to get through the intro here but uh oh Bo Metro M donated $200 there's more bodies between those three than all of UCSB this is the prime example of why
00:21:58Brian Atlasmore and more men don't trust or respect women send the asteroid all right I'll send the asteroid um he wants me to send the asteroid uh it's a little early to talk about body count Metro mat but I do appreciate the com does anybody want you
00:22:11Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)you feel free to respond to him if any of you want to I don't I don't really see the the insult so I mean people that have a more conservative view with sexuality and Body Count tend to pair up with each
00:22:24Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)other and then people that have higher body counts pair up with each other so the only issue that people have are the ones that are aren't actively seeking each other out so I don't it's fine yeah
00:22:33Brian AtlasI'm not denying a high body count sure all right uh let's get into uh the pre- actually excuse me I need to get through this uh so what's your current relationship
00:22:44Ayastatus and if you're single how long have you been single and what's the longest relationship you've ever been in go ahead I'm currently dating somebody I am polymeris uh I've been dating this
00:22:55Brian Atlasperson for four years and currently yeah was that all of the questions uh longest relationship the four years is the longest yeah four years is that your
00:23:04Brian Atlascurrent relationship four years okay and uh couple questions here you said you're paully right yeah um are there currently any other people that you're seeing right now uh not with dating but I
00:23:17Brian Atlasdefinitely bang a lot other people for fun and uh your uh partners of the man or woman man man okay yeah and he's okay
00:23:26Brian Atlaswith the escorting and you and I think you said was it banging a lot of I don't want to misquote bang a lot of people a lot of people yes men and women uh or
00:23:37Brian Atlasjust men yes okay um and he's it's all copasetic for him he's cool with it I mean he's banging probably more women than I am banging men okay it's open for both of you yeah okay it's just a free-for all you guys compete at all
00:23:49Brian Atlaslike yeah we were we're like head-to-head on our spread sheets for body count right now wow okay oh you both have spreadsheets yes okay um all right do you keep count yeah she's a data she's all about the
00:24:01Brian Atlasdata so um oh also I guess kind of related to your intro I forgot this um there's a couple like uh interesting things about you that were on the internet uh you you set records for
00:24:12Brian Atlasshowering or lack thereof yeah um and you posted a tweet about it because you keep impeccable data Damian can we pull up the shower tweet um but so I think it was in 2022 you tracked how many times
00:24:25Brian Atlasyou did a variety of things one of these was showering oh every year and uh how many times did you shower in 2022 oh I think it was 34 or something I think it was 27 in last
00:24:37Brian Atlasyear okay something like that uh pull it up do you have do you have the okay my 2022 in stats images images my uh and some uh went outside pooped socialized
00:24:49Brian Atlasworked took Aderall drank alcohol danced had sex 63 cried 59 is there is there Le like crying and sex happens at the same time ever ideally yes ideally she's okay
00:25:01Brian Atlasgot it it was good sex there's crying involved good good to know um wrote gamed had a good meal and at the very bottom showered and then scroll down just a little bit oh yeah whatever um so
00:25:12Brian Atlasshowered 37 what uh lowest amount of times you've ever showered in a year uh I think it was like 14 17 I think 17 and that was in uh 2019 my guess and how
00:25:24Brian Atlasabout how about for 2025 how's how's that looking so far uh two showers so far I want to challenge you I'd like to initiate a call to action Aya yes 2025
00:25:34Brian Atlasis your year the least the least least amount of showers what do we think I think sub what's the world record sub 10 probably zero yeah for sure for sure well I figured out that uh if you
00:25:47Ayaactually don't shower often enough my skin started turning darker uh from dirt that in a way that like wasn't coming off during the showering so I was like don't these don't these stats imply
00:25:58Andrew Wilsonthough so I was just kind of looking at them you if you are having sex more often than you're showering does this imply that between clients you're not
00:26:06Ayashowering I do hor baths so I do wash my it's see don't bring her into the wait what I I thought you said you do never
00:26:15Brian Atlasmind those no I get a washcloth terrible you get a washcloth yeah you can spot wash what if you go in the shower but you only shower below the belt
00:26:28Ayais that the shower sounds a little more annoying but is that the shower I don't there AER Point what you may as well just do a full shower at that point if you're doing half your body well what if
00:26:39Andrew Wilsonyou shower you just like you just like wipe so I I mean I'm sorry to be graphic but you just like basically wipe a dude's jizz off and then you'll you're going to have sex with another guy and you don't shower in between even I mean
00:26:50Andrew Wilsonwiping a dude's jizz off in the shower is what people do I just do it more locally yeah well I mean there's a there's a factor of like water power and pressure and all sorts of things that come with showering that probably not
00:27:02Ayagoing to get from a washcloth well I do have a bedet and I use that very aggressively I basically like sandpaper off a layer of skin cheating you use your bedet when you're at a hotel cuz there's no bed in hotels last night check bedet after I get home and then
00:27:15Andrew Wilsonbefore I go see a client some nice hotels maybe half yeah there isn't there isn't any bedday in the hotels there and you just saw a client so I assume you didn't shower post sleeping with this client right well I go home and then I bedet
00:27:30Ayait's very simple did you bedday last night after your client no actually I haven't beded yet yeah I Haven but I did aggressively use a washcloth so aggressive washcloth you have to scrub
00:27:41Brian Atlasit down until you're in a little bit of pain that okay nice um but you should try to set a record this year 2025 your year you can do this think I can do 15
00:27:51Andrew Wilsonshowers want but I do I do shower more than 37 times a year not to brag you know but if it was a contest I would definitely be winning um and then and then uh let's
00:28:04Ayasee um okay so but you're in this polyamorous relationship have you always been poly yes even when you were younger like 18 19 the first time I heard the word was I was like that is unambiguously me I'm absolutely poly and
00:28:15AyaI've never doubted it since and never been like in a monogamous when I was a teenager and very Christian I was like ah monogamy is the thing and then I was tried to do that for a while and kind of failed is anybody else here well I guess
00:28:28Brian Atlaswe'll we'll get into it we'll come back to some of this stuff but I'll just get everybody's relationship status uh Candace what about you uh married in 15 years married uh longest relation MH longest relationship 15 years is that
00:28:40Brian Atlasthe guy who you're married to yes okay wait so you wait you've been with him for 15 years um and how long have you
00:28:48Brian Atlasbeen married 10 10 10 years okay got it and um any other relationships before him or um I had one and that was eight
00:28:58Brian Atlasyears eight years okay wait so that's was like high school okay got it got it um and so I mean you were involved and you still do like I mean
00:29:10Brian Atlasyou have o right so you still do some content right yeah it's like it's much more tame than my previous work content yeah I don't work with anyone else mhm uh but you were in the traditional adult
00:29:20Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)content space um and you were with him for when did you so you were with him before you started I started webcamming so that was when we first kind of just started casually dating and then he was
00:29:32Brian Atlasthere for the whole progression of everything gotcha and uh has it presented and if you you don't want to talk about that's fine but is it has it presented like any issues for the relationship of course yeah of course I
00:29:44Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)think like when you first brought it to him was he like on board or where so initially I again so I started webcamming that's and it was all implied so there wasn't any nudity that was for a while and I mean I took my time with
00:29:57Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)my career so it was was a very slow progression into what ended it with just like boy girl scenes but um solo wasn't an issue and then I transitioned to girl girl I did that for a while that's not an issue for most men so that wasn't
00:30:08Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)really a conversation and then as that started to kind of kick up my career I wanted to start shooting boy girl scenes initially he said absolutely not and I wasn't motivated enough so I said sure
00:30:20Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)I'm not going to do it that lasted a few years and then I got presented with a contract opportunity and those things were non-existent at that time so back in the '90s you had the contract girls
00:30:31Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)and that kind of what is what leveraged them and like in their careers it went away it wasn't profitable and they were starting to bring it back so I got pitched that to start a competition and I was like I know I'm going to win this thing what do you think and we talked
00:30:44Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)about it for months before I actually shot it and if you look at the whole scope it was like probably a two-year conversation before I made jump yeah MH and um was he so he was it was a
00:30:56Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)monogamous it was until I started shooting and then so like kind of open well I guess well so what I saw happening was like a lot of women were making such a harsh distinction between
00:31:08Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)sex that was for work versus like in their personal life so they expected their partner to be monogamous while they were shooting and their justification was that it was work and
00:31:19Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)while I do think there is a difference it's still intimacy on some level and I saw those relationships never worked you have to have the same rules across the board so I said if I'm going to do this
00:31:29Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)then we have to open up the whole thing for it to be fair MH and did he he was like dating other women at that point no he no he didn't I mean he maybe used
00:31:38Brian Atlasthat privilege like once or twice okay yeah all right uh definitely really interesting though I mean you were you were in this relationship for the entire duration stayed together ended up
00:31:49Lily Phillipsgetting married so okay uh what about you Lily um I'm single my longest relationship was probably just about 2
00:31:58Lily Phillipsyears mhm um what was the other question how long have you uh been single um [ __ ] um when did I [ __ ] there probably like wait don't quote me on this I'm trying
00:32:10Lily Phillipsto like actually think on maybe maybe getting on for about four years now three four years H okay all right uh but the relationship was very on and off so I can't be like oh we
00:32:23Becca Sliderbroke up here and that sure you know what I mean bit like bit Rocky what about you I'm single divorced which which do you prefer uh
00:32:34Brian Atlashow long were you married for 21 years and uh how long have you been divorced about a year a little over a year and how wait uh how long were you together
00:32:42Brian Atlasin total 22 22 okay so 22 and you said sorry divorced for two years you said it's been a officially a year about a year oh one year okay how long
00:32:53Becca Sliderseparated um the same yeah same amount of time okay yeah and uh uh who initiated the divorce I did okay did he see it coming or no yes I was very very communicative even starting about three
00:33:05Becca Slideryears prior talking to him about just the fact that it was after deconstructing and realizing who more aligned with who I was like who am I a part from religion who am I apart from the roles that I play mhm and when you
00:33:17Becca Sliderget to know yourself and you realize also getting married at 21 not really a good choice uh you don't know yourself at 21 so a lot had changed between the two of us and and not only did I not
00:33:29Becca Sliderfeel it aligned to be married to him anymore I just didn't feel marriage was aligned for me at all I have a hard time with the construct of marriage so I am single I will be single I won't marry again any kids yes three children three
00:33:40Becca Sliderchildren from him yes MH and um I'm trying to think here uh are you polyamorous I don't consider myself polyamorous um only because that's not something I've actually experienced yet
00:33:52Becca SliderI do consider myself ethically non- monogamous eth ethically non- monogamous okay what's the uh distinction um so the way I would distinguish it and this isn't textbook um polyamorous you are
00:34:05Becca Slideractually having more than one partnership and it would be treated very much like a relationship there's more romantic experiences involved with both you have love for both whereas for me
00:34:16Becca SliderI'm very new out of the gate now even though we opened our marriage toward the end and so there have been a lot of relational aspects and things I've experienced I have no desire personally right now to have myself in a committed
00:34:28Andrew Wilsonrelationship even with multiple people so right now I see so so just to just to clarify when you say polyamory you mean could be romantic other partners as well
00:34:40Andrew Wilsonas your primary partner what you're talking about is that your marriage is open to the point where you just have sex with other people there's not a romantic intimacy involved in it yeah
00:34:49Brian Atlasthat's correct okay gotcha all right all right um and have you been I mean you've been divorced for one year have there been other men in the picture uh just dating a little bit here and
00:35:02Brian Atlasthere nothing serious no nothing serious but I mean you were married for what 21 years or something I mean did you just go like ham like
00:35:12Becca Sliderlike bounds or anything um so we several years before the divorce we actually started down the route of partnering with other couples and that came about
00:35:23Becca Sliderbecause I've always known I was bisexual and even told him prior to marriage M that I was into other women and had been with other women but then you get into the construct of oh now we're in church and we're in Ministry and you get you
00:35:35Becca Sliderjust have to put that in a box you can't like experience that so he knew that about me and so we started having conversations after um deconstructing about that and the whole point was to actually bring in like a woman but he
00:35:47Becca Sliderput us on a swinger website and I was like oh okay I'm very openminded though just as a person in general so I was like yeah whatever we'll try it out so we did that for a little while um it's not my jam it's a little too
00:35:59Becca Slideroverstimulating there's just too many people involved uh but then we moved to more of an open relationship status um and yeah I it's really hard for me because I care very much about the
00:36:11Andrew Wilsonenergetics of being with someone and so for me like when I stand or just finding somebody who's a good [ __ ] is not sorry I'm trying not to can you um can you help me with the timeline just uh just a bit so with your with the same sex
00:36:23Becca Sliderattraction were you experiencing that before you became a pastor and Minister oh yeah absolutely absolutely since I was since I was 16 17 yeah were you sleeping with women before you became a pastor um before I got married before I
00:36:36Andrew Wilsongot married so yes that would be before I was a pastor absolutely okay got it and then the church I remember you said it was non-denominational MH uh were they pretty accepting towards lgbtq they
00:36:48Becca Sliderwere accepting but it was it was um love the sin or not the sin so it was still considered absolutely wrong okay gotcha all right
00:36:57Brian Atlasthank you for clarifying appreciate it and uh so you did swing during your marriage yep mhm okay and you would go to swingers parties or were you just meet up with a couple and meet up with a
00:37:08Becca Slidercouple was more yeah we tried a few different like clubs that's again I mean how many different couples do you did you swing with um that's a good question
00:37:18Carlymaybe four okay four total I think mhm sure all right all right uh what about you Carly um well like okay well I'm single
00:37:29Carlyright now yeah single how long you been single for I've been single for like 5 months or it's been a while um my last relationship ended like over the summer
00:37:40Carlyand it was like 5 years um yeah okay who broke up with who yeah he yeah he cheated on me with a teenager
00:37:50Carlywith an 18 year-old um so an adult well it was like right after like he was waiting but yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um and so I found out and then I like
00:38:04Brian Atlaspunched him in the dick and then that was it you punched him in the dick like literally or fig figuratively no like like literally yeah figuratively punched him in the dick okay nice in the balls
00:38:17Brian Atlasdid the balls catch any I don't I mean or just the dick I don't know just you don't know you the general flash okay the general area I mean any rebounds any other guys you've been seeing or yeah
00:38:27Carlyyeah I mean I've been like kind of just going out and like doing whatever cuz I mean catching up on 5 years is like you know what do you mean by catching up on
00:38:38Carlyfive years what does that what does that mean just like well basically like just going out on dates like seeing different people and like just kind of figuring
00:38:49Carlyout like what my type is and like how all that works out and I mean kind of similar like I mean I'm I'm pan and so I've been out with like a bunch of
00:39:00Carlydifferent people and women and all of that and it's just been like good to yeah like catch up with the last five years sure and uh do you have a roster currently a roster no like are you kind
00:39:12Carlyof like dating multiple people or just not right I don't know previously previously I had I had a roster how big was the roster it wasn't that big it was
00:39:23Brian Atlaslike okay five six like yeah like maybe seven seven multip by three and that's the real number no that's seven I mean 21
00:39:34Carlythat's czy just the roster but no yeah that's like too many people to keep up with okay and then do you have a roster currently you got a roster cuz you're enm right so I don't keep track why would I keep track so it's it's you
00:39:46Becca Slidercan't even keep track right it's like no but I didn't have a roster before oh no it's not it's not 100 I have no idea how do you know if it's not 100 if you don't keep track uh just because of
00:39:57Becca Slidertime in right so like how much time I've actually not been and I'm not having I'm wildly under effed so wildly under so you're celibate no I'm just under oh you
00:40:09Unknownyou are getting effed but not enough accurate under effed accurate when's the last time you got left like a month ago damn girl okay she's been celebrate for a month okay uh do you have wait I'm
00:40:21Brian Atlassorry I'm confused um didn't she say you were married no she's the conversation um and so but did you have a rebound or you mean when I after I got divorced no
00:40:34Becca Sliderthere's no rebound because we were already having sex with other people so it was a very easy transition out oh not just the swinging you were like individually [ __ ] other people during no there was like the swinging and then that ended and then it was open
00:40:47Brian Atlasrelationship during the marriage during the marriage for a period of it correct and then you were okay you were seeing people then I see okay yeah all right and uh
00:40:58Brian Atlaswas there a roster during the marriage we were monogamous up until that point up until the swinging yeah but so there's The Swinging then it was open during the open period did you have a
00:41:07Brian Atlasroster just during the open Period or after sure oh like how many different people were you kind of like simultaneously D at the same oh very few because I can't I don't have time for
00:41:19Katrinathat maybe two okay sure uh relationship status for you I'm in a relationship with um a guy feel like eight months and he's awesome all right longest
00:41:32Katrinarelationship that's a tricky question I was like on and off with a guy for like 10 years he broke my heart um before my current relationship I was single for 4 years um and I had a
00:41:45Katrinaroster if that's what you want to call it but half of them were my exes cuz I don't like to put my number up
00:41:55Katrinarecycling basically uh so and it wasn't always just about sex either it was all like emotional like friendships I had to break up with all my boyfriends when I
00:42:05Brian Atlasgot my new one wait so you'd have you would have roster like how many boyfriends would you have at the same concurrent boyfriends like okay men you were letting stick their penis not really
00:42:18Katrinaactually it wasn't like that I mean like some of them were it was how do you say situation uh yeah like we were friends like we liked each other I
00:42:29Katrinawasn't yeah I didn't like not always okay um some of them sure if they're having a bad day or something but like having a bad day yeah like I'm just you know I'm a server I'm here to serve
00:42:39Katrinaeverybody exactly what they deserve like just I it's very charitable I'm serious like a lot of it's out of
00:42:50Brian Atlaspity too you know poor guys like having their heart pity sex is is the best sex for them for them it's just the best
00:43:00Katrinawhen she's kind of reluctantly I was just like so through that um I wouldn't say like um I wouldn't say that wait I got to open this up to the
00:43:12Brian Atlaspanel who here has done pity done given I don't know pity sex absolutely my husband I was married for 21 years okay she knows
00:43:22Becca Slidersometimes you can tell the guy I say zero never pity sex young yeah when you were young there was pity sex Lily oh yeah I mean the do you think the hundred
00:43:33Lily Phillipsmen is kind of was that pity some of them I felt I did feel bad for you can tell that they haven't shagged in a while they haven't once shed shacked
00:43:43KatrinaShack Powers um what's that definitely a couple virgins so a couple virgins okay any other pity sex enjoyers oh I didn't say I enjoyed it you I don't know no Enjoy like my whole
00:43:56Brian Atlasfamily is watching this trying to be a little bit like a you've already too it's over with that handle um so uh let's see any kids ever married no kids
00:44:07Daniellenever married all right uh what about you I'm been in a relationship for almost 2 years uh my longest relationship was 5 years and before my
00:44:17Brian Atlas2-year relationship I was single for about three all right got it uh 5year relationship who broke up with who at a high school he broke up with me and then
00:44:29Upgradewe mutually got back together and then we mutually broke up okay all right what about you um I'm going on my second year
00:44:39Upgradewith my boyfriend I talked about him last time I was here mhm we are we we
00:44:46Upgrade[Laughter] have well um you have what we have a bit
00:44:56Brian Atlasof an AG age G okay you're 22 how old is he he's 41 41 okay so 19 19 years um longest relationship you've ever been in
00:45:08Brian Atlasthis one this one two years okay any other relationships or no um no okay what does he uh actually no that's fine all right that's everybody's relationship status I'm
00:45:20Brian Atlasgoing to read a chat here really quick oh whoops not supposed to I don't know why that came through like that but uh Jack Jackson Woods thank you man Lily I John and I
00:45:31Brian Atlaswould really love it if you started the hobby please at the very least invite me to 1K peens per day in a day Ava please
00:45:43Brian Atlastell black and vixon to show men eating out damn y'all crazy okay it's really aggressive uh yeah thank you uh Jackson Woods for that uh Lily do you want to
00:45:55Brian Atlasrespond John please next time just sends the 100 tip my way just I disavow that all right thank you Jackson appreciate it man um all right we do need to get
00:46:06Brian Atlasinto some of the pre-show notes so why don't we start with uh let's start with Aya uh let's see sorry one sec let me there's so much uh so Aya you were
00:46:17Brian Atlashomeschooled from birth uh to the end of high school your parents were uh Evangelical fundamentalist Christians in Idaho is this like Westboro Baptist or
00:46:28Ayano oh we thought they were cool but we were not Westborough but like kind of similar or yeah I would say if there's a spectrum from like normal Christian to Westborough we were like probably 70%
00:46:38Brian Atlasclose to the West B okay uh you said calvinist calvinist okay you said after leaving home uh losing your faith in failing to attend college you turned to a series of shitty jobs involving uh
00:46:50Brian Atlaslike a factory work waking up 400 a.m. you escaped from that into the warm wet Embrace of uh adult content which you used to fund dives into far away Realms
00:47:02Brian Atlasboth physical and psychedelic you did a documentary or two you spent a year somehow getting addicted to LSD and you did become one of the top only fans creators until your attention span R out
00:47:15Brian AtlasI believe that was the bio on your website yes um and you've done escorting uh we talked about the shower thing we won't we don't need to touch on that um and you've been involved in sex works
00:47:27Brian Atlassince you said 2017 was it or uh since I was 20 since you were 20 okay gotcha and uh your dad was super conservative yes professionally so and uh I watched most
00:47:39Brian Atlasof your interview with Lex Freedman is really interesting um you said you grew up in a very patriarchal uh I guess household yeah where and uh to quote you you said women were subordinate to men
00:47:52Brian Atlasin regards to making decisions when married um and so I was curious on this this um I it sounds like you kind of disagree with this sort of sentiment uh I guess maybe a jumping off point and we
00:48:03Brian Atlascan get into more broad General conversations related to that um does anybody kind of agree with her when it comes to like should women be subordinate to men when married ask Kanye
00:48:18KatrinaWest did he just show us that's like being subordinate right what his naked wife on the Grammy red carpet she submitted to him to do that allegedly
00:48:29Andrew Wilsonthat's her idea like she she really enjoys being naked from what I hear pre pre Kanye West there was not a lot that was stopping that woman from taking her clothes off for anybody who she could take them off for for a camera so just
00:48:42Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)pointing that out I think subordinate is an interesting word I do like I I do believe that men should be the leader in most situations and relationships but when I look at marriage specifically
00:48:53Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)it's um I hate the word partner cuz it's like so co-opted but you're supposed to be complimentary to each other right like we bring out the best and we demand the best out of each other so I think
00:49:04Candace Horbach (Eva Lovia)women are really good soundboard for men and like the best relationships they take advice from each other but I do think that there needs to be a leader in the relationship and typically should be the man does anybody agree with that I
00:49:15Brian Atlasagree with that or do you guys think I don't know what the s word means subordinate yeah um submissive basically underneath
00:49:26Brian AtlasI guess you could say um but does anybody here just subordination would be an underling so like if you're if you're at a you got to work right you got a
00:49:36Brian Atlasboss uh he's the boss you're the subordinate thank you so who agrees with uh Candice like should the man be the leader or do you guys view things more 5050 well my boyriend why we just go
00:49:49Upgradearound the table okay we'll start with you what do you think so H I think it depends on the relationship I think that some women can lead well and some men can I remember last time I was saying
00:50:01Upgradethat in my own relationship I like it to be traditional but I support women other women having the choice to be in a complementarian relationship or an
00:50:12Upgradeegalitarian relationship and I think the live chat cuz I can't see it now but last time I was here on the live chat they kept saying that I wanted the good parts of
00:50:22Upgradefeminism for myself and I was trying to promote the bad quote unquote bad parts to the rest of the female population but
00:50:33Upgradethat's not the case it's just like how I have respect for people who are of a different religion than me then that doesn't mean that I'm contradicting myself I respect their right to make
00:50:44Upgradethat choice to believe in what they do what's what's the nature of the your relationship um well I'm kind of like stay atome and he is the bread winner
00:50:54Daniellegoing around the table what about you um I also think that when I think of a man I think of someone masculine that kind of takes care of you in a sense more traditional um I definitely am a little
00:51:06Daniellemore outspoken so if we can banter back and forth and do things like that and have a say in what we're doing together
00:51:14Danielleit's um better um but for the most part I I think that a man should lead and be more masculine and and and just take care of you sure what about
00:51:29Katrinayou um it's a tricky question I think it's all circumstantial and every individual relationships are different and how do you want your relationship to be my relationship I
00:51:44Katrinaam I'm here on this podcast and my boyfriend was not down so like but also like I paid for it all myself so unless like
00:51:57Katrinayou know he was paying all the bills and stuff maybe like I would consider not coming on to the podcast but since I'm it's 50/50 then like I can kind of do
00:52:07Carlywhat I want okay what about you Carly yeah um I think it really depends on the maturity levels of each partner um but personally I think that everybody
00:52:19Carlykind of has to have their own independence within a relationship like just in terms of like everyone has their responsibility and like but it really
00:52:29Brian Atlasdoes just depend on the relationship and like how each person is once once we go around I'm going to ask like a really specific question I think that will kind of get to the heart of the issue what
00:52:40Becca Sliderabout you though yes I agree except again there's so many caveats because there's all this pressure on men to oh be the leader but men don't even know themselves so you're asking them to do something they don't know how to do and they haven't been taught to do so this is why we get into all of the mix of the
00:52:53Becca Sliderproblems of what you see in a relationship of the woman doesn't want to follow the lead because the lead doesn't know how to lead and then she can't trust the lead and then it's a sh Show sure Lily I think it's really circumstantial but in my personal relationship I would like a 50/50 5050
00:53:06Brian Atlaskly it looked like you wanted to jump in really quick or oh I was yeah I was just saying that like I like totally agree with that agree with it got it I think you already kind of talked about it uh a I guess your position on this topic if you want to elaborate a bit I just don't
00:53:19Ayaknow what should means like should for what purpose what do you mean like like should you jump up and down and I'm like well you should you do that in order to achieve what goal like should there he doesn't mean should he doesn't like you
00:53:31Andrew Wilsonknow like mean should is like an a he's talking in the comments so when you're talking about like should and you're doing the little like autistic hsbg thing uh I I know exactly what you're doing it's um it's a very low tier form
00:53:43Andrew Wilsonof philosophy he's saying should in the comments he's not saying should as an odd statement of a moral imperative what is a slightly higher to your philosophy that you would recommend I try uh well I would try I would start
00:53:55Andrew Wilsonwith understanding that you're not in a philosophical engagement at the moment unless you see everything purely as a philosophical engagement and that there are you would have to agree with me that you distinguish between words in the Commons and you distinguish between
00:54:08Andrew WilsonWords which have philosophical terms so if somebody's engaging with you for instance a medical doctor or lawyer they're going to use legal terms or medical terms they're going to have a different meaning than the common terms of those words or the philosophical terms so when you say I don't know what
00:54:21Ayashould means I actually don't believe you in this context I think you know exactly what it means by should uh this is the way that I talk all the time and sort of the question that I would ask anytime somebody asks me if somebody should do
00:54:34Ayaanything yeah and I just explained to you that there's a distinction here uh I still don't understand what should means in this context so what it should mean in any context uh well it's usually
00:54:45Andrew Wilsondependent on something right okay like should I go to the store like you're H so dependent on this context what do you think should means uh like my guess is probably there's some implicit like to be happy kind of thing but I don't know
00:54:57Ayaif this is true well then we'll we'll go with that I would like to check though like is that what we mean cuz if so then I can answer yeah so can you even repeat what the question was but it's also different because sometimes people argue the
00:55:10Ayapurpose of like some types of social structures is not to be happy but rather to have like a flourishing Society or something yeah like I'm fine I'm fine getting into semantics with you when it comes to should but can you repeat what
00:55:20Andrew Wilsonthe question even was uh should men lead their wives or some variation on that yeah so he's asking from your worldview whatever that is believe you say that you're a rationalist so from whatever
00:55:32Ayayour rational worldview is the should sense here is ought they or ought they not lead wives for what I can't get over the what purpose like for happiness uh I think probably a lot of people would be
00:55:45Andrew Wilsonhappier if their husbands LED them this seems true okay I don't think I would be that much happier but I am not normal okay so then they should should
00:55:58Andrew Wilsonthey or should they not ought they or ought they not for the purpose of Happiness uh you sound very confident in the things that you say but I'm not sure that makes you more right uh I it doesn't it doesn't make you uh more
00:56:10Andrew Wilsonright because you don't understand the things I say either so I would just like an answer when you're talking about ought or ought not ought they or ought they not for the purpose of happiness I can't answer I mean maybe I'm very stupid and maybe you could explain this
00:56:21Ayato me but uh you're saying UT is a common I use really small words yeah you we can use very small baby words for me uh because my small little brain has difficulty sometimes but when you're
00:56:32Ayasaying uh if should ought they lead their wives um do you mean that there's like a general sort of way that the world is good if it is and bad if it isn't and you're referring to like a general sense of goodness no I'm not I'm
00:56:44Andrew Wilsonnot inferring or making an implication for anything this is an asking from the world viiew of you who is not me whatever your worldview is who is not me from your world view that is not mine
00:56:55Ayaought men lead their WI wies uh I I I'm trying to communicate my view and my view is something like I think that some people would be happier if their husbands LED them and some people would be sadder if their husbands LED them I'm