Anti-Male Red Hair Feminist DESTROYED In HEATED Debate?! Tea App/UBER Reaction! | Dating Talk #253

Date: 2025-07-28

Duration: 8h 35m

Guests

Brian Atlas

BBailey (Nursing)>

IIsabella (Bio)>

JJackie (OF Manager)>

EEmily (Coach)>

Identified Speakers

SPEAKER_02Asia(guest)

SPEAKER_03Poss(guest)

SPEAKER_04Key(guest)

SPEAKER_05Bailey (Nursing)(guest)

SPEAKER_06Nyx(guest)

SPEAKER_09Brian Atlas(host)

SPEAKER_12Isabella (Bio)(guest)

SPEAKER_13Jackie (OF Manager)(guest)

SPEAKER_14Emily (Coach)(guest)

Key Moments

IntroAll 8 guests introduce themselves

Key MomentNyx reveals first relationship was coercive/sexually non-consensual

ControversyBrian argues Uber women-only feature is discriminatory, analogizes to racial segregation

Key MomentTea app hacked exposing 70K women. Brian announces 'Tally' counter-app.

Key MomentKey: held captive 4-5 hours by abuser. SWAT called. He got 3 months.

Topics Discussed

Guest Introductions

Bailey, Isabella, Jackie, Asia, Nyx, Emily, Key, Poss.

Nyx First Relationship SA

Coercive relationship: car rides as leverage, dissociation, non-consensual encounters.

Uber Women-Only Feature Debate

Brian argues it is discriminatory. Analogizes to racial segregation.

Tea App Data Breach

70K women exposed. Brian announces counter-app Tally.

Body Count Round

Poss 50-70. Key 6. Asia ~10. Jackie 15-20.

Key DV Story

Held captive 4-5 hours. SWAT called. Abuser got 3 months.

Transcript

Page 3 of 9

Brian Atlas>> it's not always 100% a dealbreaker. >> Yeah. >> But generally speaking, I would say I'm going to probably lose some level of attraction for that person. I might be less inclined to want to pursue a

Jackie (OF Manager)relationship with that person. >> So, you don't think personality is more important than how they look? >> Oh, you you don't think? >> You see what deep That's not a dunk. do matter. I'm just I'm just like, you

Brian Atlasknow what I mean? Like if you already really like someone based off their personality, you're going to not like them as much once you see they have tattoos. >> Wait, but wouldn't you agree that you can like somebody for their personal

Jackie (OF Manager)like you like their personality, but there's other characteristics they have you dislike and so you're not going to date them? >> Yeah. if they don't like wash their butt or something, but like I'm not going to like be upset because they have tattoos

Brian Atlasor piercings or >> Well, how about this? I mean, if a woman there there's all kinds of things, and this can go both ways. Like if there were things that were not disclosed to you ahead of time, but you otherwise

Asialiked them before you made the discovery. Yeah. You can choose not to date them. You can. Yeah. >> I think that's why icks are icks. You know, like you learn further down the line that you don't like something. >> Yeah. >> I don't think it's Yeah. Sorry. Go

Asiaahead. >> If he randomly if he was dating her and she ended up taking her hoodie off and he was like, "Whoa, if he got the ick, he got the ick." Like, that's on him. You know, some people aren't bothered by it. Some people are. >> Yeah. I think everyone's like entitled

Jackie (OF Manager)to their opinion for sure. I guess I was just asking like if you really vibe with someone like I'm willing to accept certain things especially like >> personalitywise, you know what I mean? >> Yeah.

Brian Atlas>> Or I mean looks wise. >> Yeah. Um I guess ultimately though uh not a deal breaker when it comes to

Brian Atlaspiercings. These aren't piercing I think piercings tend to be less bad than tattoos >> take them out. piercing you can take

Possout. Um, >> tattoos. I mean, unless you get the >> What does your tattoo say? >> H, what does your tattoo say? >> Oh, this one. Um, it's supia in Thai. >> I'm from Thailand. >> What does that mean?

Poss>> Me, too. >> It's actually It's So, I I got this one. Um, my my oldest sister did it and it's more of like an identity meeting because my biological name is actually Supia, not Poss. >> Oh, that's cute.

Poss>> Thanks. Yeah, >> we're from Thailand. You're not going to know of it. I'm It's like literally a buck of nowhere. She's from Bangkok. >> I am not from Bangkok. I'm actually from a very small village um called Kong in

Nyx>> Kofifi. She's from Kofi. >> Where >> it it the next big city like Karat. >> Okay. >> Yeah, that one. >> Uh so yeah, I guess ultimately though um kind of red flag a little bit. >> Well, I'm curious like sorry if you've

Brian Atlasalready said this, but like what does what do you think that piercings and tattoos like convey about a person? Like what is the red flag? Yeah, thank you for reminding me about that. >> Yeah, so I think it again it can have to do with impulsivity.

Brian AtlasIt can also just be an indicator for other sorts of things. For example, like I don't want to date somebody. Again, you could be fully blasting tattoos and

Brian Atlasit doesn't always necessarily indicate this, but I tend to like make an immediate judgment when somebody as they're more tattooed, I'm leaning more towards drug usage. I'm leaning more

Brian Atlastowards promiscuity. I'm leaning more towards uh impulsivity. I'm leaning more towards has there been potential uh trauma in the past. And I think these

Brian Atlasthings, again, I'm not saying people can get tattoos and it's not an indicator of any of these things, but that's going to be kind of my snap judgment. And honestly, if you do ask people who are heavily tattooed, there is a greater

Brian Atlasproclivity towards drug use. Again, somebody could be totally no tattoos and be the biggest addict ever, of course. But what I'm saying is when I do see that, instantly I'm going to I'm just going to have these prejudgments. And I

Brian Atlascould be wrong. I could be wrong, but that's the prejudgments. A greater proclivity towards drug use, promiscuity, and past trauma that I don't want to deal with in a relationship. I don't think, this is

Jackie (OF Manager)just my opinion obviously, but like I don't think trauma depending on the situation is necessarily fair because it matters how they handle it and like how they heal from it. However, like usually

Brian Atlastrauma isn't our own fault. >> Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Sure. Sure. I I'm I'm 100% agree with you. >> Trauma can't is typically Well, it depends, but >> everyone has trauma, you know, to some

Brian Atlasextent. >> Trauma typically is not your fault. >> Yeah. Typically, >> usually >> uh whether it is or isn't though, whoever's fault it is, typically I think it's people's

Emily (Coach)preferences. I don't know about women, but >> I don't want to deal with somebody who has a bunch of trauma. >> I don't want to deal with that in a relationship. >> Well, it define >> Oh, sure. Yeah. I think it's more important not whether or not they have

Emily (Coach)trauma, more so have they worked through their trauma so they're not actively reliving it and bringing it to the relationship. >> Sure. But I mean

Brian Atlas>> it would still even if they've worked I guess yes it's good if they've worked through their trauma can they be fully healed? Yes. It's probably still better though to have not gone through said

Emily (Coach)thing. >> Like it's probably better Because even I sincerely disagree, >> right? It's better to not have had the trauma. >> Well, yeah. In that sense, but like not

Emily (Coach)in a dating sense. >> Well, what do you mean in a in a dating sense? Yes. >> Yeah. like in a dating sense I disagree because um if somebody goes through trauma sometimes if again there's some

Emily (Coach)people who are traumatized who bring their [ __ ] into the relationship but for people who are traumatized and have actually worked through their stuff that can there's certain characteristics that they may have not explicitly because of their trauma but could be enhanced by

Emily (Coach)their trauma such as there are so many entrepreneurs out there who are multi-millionaires now because of the drive that they had when they grew up in poverty where they grew up in abusive households like so drive Wait, really

Brian Atlasquick on that and I'll let you continue. Uh, most men at le and at least for me, I don't care about a woman's like career ambitions and drive for success and like that's not an

Brian Atlasattraction trigger. >> I understand that, but that it's notific but but I I get that like trauma can be a motivator in life for you to succeed, but you have to remember I'm I'm looking

Brian Atlasat this through a dating paradigm and a dating lens. If it's the case that men are typically not attracted to you you as women when it comes to your career ambition success >> how that wouldn't be like if you're

Emily (Coach)going to make a convincing argument well Brian you should like okay I don't care about >> I'll apply it into a different context then she has drive like you know for example like what I've seen typically

Emily (Coach)with people who had some sort of trauma they can have really deep morals and expectations of how they expect their family to be raised how they expect to raise their children they become There's so many parents out there who are not uh

Emily (Coach)who have not gone through trauma, who are bad parents because they didn't they just got a little bit lazy. But you see some people who have been traumatized, who've had bad parents, who go to parenting classes, who take child

Emily (Coach)psychology courses, who are actively trying to be better daters. In fact, what I've seen is that people who have had bad dating experiences, who intentionally go to therapy and into coaching to become better people and to

Emily (Coach)stop having these dating experiences, actually learn how to date better and how to be better partners because they know what toxicity looks like and they're deciding to make a change. So, I'm not saying that every single person

Emily (Coach)who's traumatized automatically makes them a better partner. I'm saying that a person who has worked through their trauma and has become a better person for it. It matters who they are now, not happened to them, one exception that I

Emily (Coach)could possibly see is that if somebody just has a preference for their partner to have a healthy family dynamic. Like so let's say they um their father is really abusive, is a drug addict, takes

Emily (Coach)lots of money. I'm not saying that this is a valid reason to like or a a that everybody should deny it because of this person, but I can understand how it could be a preference that if you don't want to date somebody who has family issues.

Brian Atlas>> Well, okay. So, I can see this going both ways though. So, let let me give the example of somebody who has an alcoholic father. You can see two things happening from that. You can see the

Brian Atlasmanifestation of being in like an abusive household with an alcoholic father. It can go two ways. It can be that person becomes never even touches alcohol, becomes sober and makes a

Brian Atlaspromise to themselves and their family that they will never repeat that same thing. But then we also see the other thing where they also follow that pattern of um what's the word for it?

Brian AtlasPattern of >> Nick cycle >> cycle I guess yeah where they also become an alcoholic and also and the other thing is when people experience

Brian Atlascertain traumas and again uh this isn't the case all the time but people will see those not all the all the time but sometimes what you witness growing up in

Brian Atlasa traumatic environment that's the kind of relationship dynamic some people are going to gravitate towards not always sometimes it's the opposite it, you're

Brian Atlaslike, "Whoa, I never want to go have that relationship relationship dynamic." >> But also, you see it the other way where it's like, uh, that's kind of what they find attractive in the partner.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> I think it goes both ways cuz like I grew up in like a traumatic like, you know, household. And like either you repeat that pattern or you want to be the opposite of it. But also, I think

Jackie (OF Manager)that like there's people who have gone through nothing in their life, like you know, generally speaking. Sure. And they should go to therapy and they're not good people. You know what I mean? But like just cuz they

Jackie (OF Manager)>> just cuz they don't have trauma doesn't mean they're a good person. And just cuz someone has trauma doesn't mean they're a bad partner or bad person. >> Sure. Well, yeah. You can make an argument as follows.

Brian Atlas>> Yeah. Somebody who's lived a really sheltered life might not have uh they could potentially lack an empathy. They might, you know, be kind

Brian Atlasof obnoxious or bratty or whatever it is or they might, you know, if if they grew up like super spoiled or rich that can come with its own sort of negative personality traits. But I think like I

Brian Atlasguess what's the entailment here is should then we seek out people who have been traumatized because they make better partners. Is that the entailment of the position? >> You shouldn't write someone off for

Emily (Coach)their fair. What I'm saying the whole thing is like who are they right now? >> Not what happened to them, not what they experienced. How did they respond to it? And who are they now? Because if they can respond to their trauma and decide

Brian Atlasto take responsibility, >> this idea this idea of perfect healing, I'm not sure if I buy into it because I do think that I do think that these

Brian Atlastraumas, even if you've been to therapy, they can rear their ugly heads and can manifest down the road in a relationship. So, if you have the option

Brian Atlasof dating somebody who's like gone through a bunch of [ __ ] uh, versus somebody who hasn't, and you can make that determination, I'm not saying that they're a bad person, but we all, look,

Brian Atlaswe're all very selfish and greedy when it comes to who we're going to date, spend our time with, be intimate with. We're all very, very selfish. So, I'm just saying I think it's a it's okay to make a determination of like I'd prefer

Brian Atlasto date somebody who hasn't had a bunch of trauma. >> Yeah. And also I think trauma tends to masculineize. It never feminizes typically. So when men have gone through a bunch of [ __ ]

Brian Atlas[ __ ] they become rough around the edges, which I think women tend to find more attractive. It's it's within the masculine paradigm. When women become traumatized, they also fall more into

Brian Atlastheir masculine. I generally speaking, like a really rough woman doesn't come off super feminine to me, like who's been through some [ __ ] [ __ ] Okay. So, you're saying though that if a man's

Bailey (Nursing)been through a bunch of stuff and they're he becomes more masculine. >> Yeah. And then, God forbid a woman goes through a bunch of [ __ ] and then you're not attracted to them. Like, >> I have actually direct experience. >> Just just one thing, but I'll let you go

Brian Atlasahead. So, again, and it's not always the case. Also, I would actually say you actually can see hyper femininity in in women who have been traumatized, especially an early age. For example, this is one indicator um that I've

Brian Atlasnoticed is have you ever met a girl with like a really high-pitched baby voice. Some people theorize that some people theorize that this is due to the fact

Brian Atlasthat they were traumatized at that age and their vocal development uh has kind of stuck got glued to the kind of age at which they were traumatized. And so you

Brian Atlassee this and it's a terrible it's I'm not like poking fun at this. It's a terrible thing that they're traumatized, but their voice kind of gets it gets stuck and uh that is kind of an indicator and they go like kind of in

Bailey (Nursing)this more hyper feminine direction. So, it can also like abnormal psychology go there too. >> Okay. Well, yeah, I was just making the point that like yeah, you said it makes men more attractive when they go through trauma. >> So, people in the chat are saying

Emily (Coach)>> less attractive. >> What's that? >> I was saying >> Oh, yeah. Well, I guess um >> so like that's that's kind of [ __ ] up. Well, but is it true? >> So, I work in the dating space and

Emily (Coach)specifically with helping people break trauma and get out of anxious styles, avoidant styles, and help them become secure. So, I have direct experience with this. And what I've seen is I've seen both of the ends for for what Brian

Emily (Coach)was talking about where men who have gone through significant trauma will shut down. They won't express their emotions. Um, but I've also seen the opposite side of it where they become hyper feminized, like you know, where they're really emotional. they're really

Emily (Coach)like uh obsessing about their partner and their ex and being very anxious and always asking for reassurance. And I've also seen the opposite with women where women can become either hyper masculine where they're mothering their partner,

Emily (Coach)their and their CEO girl boss type thing in their relationships and also the opposite where they're really needy, they're really clingy, they're really people pleasing. And so like regardless

Emily (Coach)first and foremost like I mean trauma affects people in both ways like you know and >> it's I believe that you attract who you are not what you want not what fulfills you what will make you happy but who you

Emily (Coach)are so if you're somebody who is deeply traumatized and still laying out the triggers you're going to repeat the pattern that you had with your parents >> if you've worked through your stuff and you have be helped become secure I see this again all the time with my clients

Emily (Coach)you start to attract secure partners where they don't even they might even not even share the fact that they have gone through traumatizing experiences cuz they just don't relate to it anymore. It doesn't matter. It's not who they are anymore. >> Yeah. >> Do you think that most people are

Isabella (Bio)actively trying to heal themselves? Like do you guys think that you if you have trauma, do you think you're healed? Do you think you're >> healed? I don't think you'll ever fully be healed. It's just like something is always going to stay with you.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> I go to therapy. I'm on like medication. I journal. I do things that are healthy. It's like it's not just like so linear. Like of course I have good days, I have

Jackie (OF Manager)bad days, but like I'm actively trying to heal, but I'm also open about my experiences. It's not that like that's who I am cuz I might I've grown since then, but I think it is still a part of

Jackie (OF Manager)why I am the way I am. And I think like the idea that like trauma makes girls more masculine, like I could see where that's some people, but personally I think my trauma made me more feminine

Jackie (OF Manager)and softer. like I understand other people more. I'm more empathetic. I'm like, you know, so because I've gone through things so I don't judge other people. >> No. Yeah. I just big disagree on the

Jackie (OF Manager)like relationship part where like it trauma makes men more attractive and then trauma makes women less attractive. >> That's very subjective. It's subjective for me. >> I personally like people that have been through something. I mean, even if they haven't, it doesn't mean I'm not going

Jackie (OF Manager)to date them, but personally, like someone I can relate to on some level. Of course. Obviously, we date people we can relate to on something. If they've never been through anything, they're not gonna understand what I've been through. >> Trauma gives you character. I don't know. Yeah.

Nyx>> Like I don't Have you ever met someone who's just like so sheltered and you're just like >> Yeah. >> They're like I I stubbed my toe today. >> Yeah. They're genuinely like the most boring people ever. >> But it's like I don't know.

Nyx>> I'm like just got back from therapy. Uh like I stubbed my toe. Like literally like >> I think I think the most interesting people I've ever met were people that had to like go through a bunch of [ __ ] and had to like >> you know pull themselves back up.

Bailey (Nursing)>> Yeah. It speaks volumes when they do too cuz it's like >> that speaks to your strong ass person. Like they pulled themselves out of the like gutter basically. >> Yeah. Did it by them themselves. >> I've met other people like this but

Jackie (OF Manager)usually people like meet me just for example. But like there's other people I know like this. like when they meet me, I'm like so bubbly and like fun and like social and then like they find out some of the things I've been through and they're like, "I would have never

Jackie (OF Manager)guessed you've been through that." And it's like I think that's a very admirable trait. Like that's what makes me soft and understanding and I can like connect with so many different people. >> Not to say that trauma is a good thing.

KeyLike it's not a bad thing is the point. >> Yeah. It's not something we can control. >> Deal with it. >> Yeah. That's like you either. >> Would you trust somebody that hasn't gone through trauma? >> Sure. >> To handle trauma though. >> It depends on how they react.

Emily (Coach)>> Everyone has a great question. >> That just goes down to their moral character and their values. Meaning that are can they have patience like you know can they communicate? Can they have understanding? Do they have tolerance like you know for it? And so you'll get to learn more about that like through

Isabella (Bio)their actions and who they are as a human how they interact with you. >> Yeah. >> So you work with families. Do you think that people who are suffering mentally should be having kids? I don't think so. >> I would say that if you are a parent, you have a

Emily (Coach)>> take off. >> Yeah. If you are a parent, you have a responsibility to try to become the best parent that you can possibly be. You should give your children a good life. I think there are a lot of people out there who should not be parents who are parents and they don't even are aware of the fact of what they should be doing to

Jackie (OF Manager)be parents. >> Um, does that mean reproduction's going to stop? No. Well, I I love this take cuz I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one at this table that has a kid. Yeah. >> So, I have a seven-month-old. I've been

Jackie (OF Manager)through a lot of stuff. My parents weren't the best parents, but I think that makes me a better parent cuz I'm so self-aware about it rather than like repeating. >> But you're not healed yet. So, does that make you a good parent? >> Yeah, I'm still a good parent.

Isabella (Bio)>> As long as she's self-aware about her behavior and doesn't project it onto her children. >> I don't think it's just really hard to keep it under control at all times. I think that you should really really focus on trying to heal yourself when you're going to have a kid cuz you can ruin your kid's life.

Asia>> I think that also calls into question like what is healed enough? >> That's what I was going to say. I don't I don't think fully healed ever. >> I don't think the word yet should come after that sentence because I think healing comes in layers and I don't

Asiathink it ever stops. If you're actively working on it, cool. By all means, that person deserves their flowers because I one have never met anyone that's not traumatized. Right. >> You guys can point me in the direction you guys are talking about this

Asiaimaginary person >> literally traumatized people chat. >> I also have never met anyone who's fully healed. Therapy or not, church or not, anything like no matter what way you do it, journaling, prayer, whatever it is,

Asia>> it's an active action. >> So to tell somebody you're not complete cuz you're not done yet >> on a race that's never finished. >> Yeah. What I will say is that there

Emily (Coach)becomes a certain point of healing because I had a lot of different traumas in my life. Abandonment traumas, all sorts of stuff we don't have to talk about. But like there was a certain point in my healing cycle where I now

Emily (Coach)identify as somebody who is secure, somebody who is confident in themselves and yes like you know I experience layers like you know where something old will come up but I can regulate myself and I can and that it's it went from something where I would have like a

Emily (Coach)panic attack to now like oh I feel that that's a little bit uncomfortable now I'm moving forward. So, um I guess to finish off the convo really quick, uh

Brian Atlasyeah, generally I think at least my preference, I think most men are going to say probably prefer to date women with less trauma versus more

Brian Atlastrauma. I and I think this is a perfectly acceptable metric whether you're man or woman. I mean, as women, you also should have maybe concerns about dating men with trauma, too. I don't think it necessarily has to define

Brian Atlasyou. I think people can work through their trauma, but red flag. Pretty big red flag. Also, I think I was trying to get into this. I

Brian Atlasdon't really think a lot of people really figure out their trauma. >> That's fair. >> I don't know. Like all these people in therapy, >> like they're there to figure something

Brian Atlasout, solve something. Do they ever solve it? Like for example, for example, I'll give you an example. I think uh trauma can cause certain mental illnesses and I think it can cause

Brian Atlascertain personality disorders if you've experienced trauma. One of these personality disorders is narcissism. Being a narcissist or having narcissistic personality

Brian Atlasdisorder, therapy is completely ineffective with narcissists. What therapy does is teach narcissists how to be better narcissists. >> It literally does. This is not an

Brian Atlasexaggeration. This is a real thing. >> And they'll actually use what they learn in therapy to become better narcissists and manipulate you further. So this idea

Brian Atlasof working through your trauma, going to therapy, I typically don't find it super effective. Um I think a lot of people go to therapy. I think there are some

Brian Atlasthings where therapy does work. Uh like if you're tackling a specific thing, there are some forms of therapy that are helpful. I think talk therapy is often times pretty

Emily (Coach)>> helpful. I think therapy does a really great job of understanding why you do what you do and where that it came from. However, I'm not a big fan of therapy when it comes to actually healing. Because to me, in my opinion, if you're

Emily (Coach)with a therapist for over 30 years, unless you're just doing it because you have a good relationship, if you're still working through the same [ __ ] you're not working through your [ __ ] >> And like, so that's why I've always liked the the coaching approach because

Emily (Coach)coaching is way more about changing your identity from being the traumatized person to what it feel like, think like, and how would I act and move in the world if I actually was no longer affected by this [ __ ] >> Yeah. You can't just talk to someone.

Brian AtlasYou have to do the work. >> I I want to ask the table here a question. Uh, have any of you dated a narcissist? >> Yes. >> Show of hands. Can I get a show of hands? >> Possibly. >> Raise them high. Raise them high.

Nyx>> Is that everybody? Oops. Didn't mean to do that. What did I do? Did I just >> You're calculating how many of us? >> Wait, everybody here? Yes. Yes. Yes. >> Granted, I don't like calling him a narcissist, but like that's what people tell me like he is a narcissist, but I'm like,

Brian Atlas>> he got diagnosed. >> He got diagnosed. So, what I was going to ask you, >> I was going to ask you, of all the narcissists you've dated, whether it's one, whether it's one, whether it's multiple, >> were they diagnosed as a narcissist, or

Isabella (Bio)did you just attribute that label to them? >> Okay. No, he was legit diagnosed. >> Okay. What about you, Isabella? >> Schizophrenic diagnosed, but I think he was a narcissist, too. So, >> Oh, he was diagnosed schizo. Did you How

Isabella (Bio)long did you date him? >> Uh, a year. Like a year. Yeah, a year. And you knew how soon into dating him did you know he was >> okay I didn't know for a minute and I found out his dad was schizophrenic and then I found out eventually you know

Brian Atlaswasn't >> chat is it fair to not want to date somebody who's been diagnosed with schizophrenia >> very fair >> I think that's fair >> I think it's a safety issue

Jackie (OF Manager)>> yeah uh what about you was he diagnosed as a narcissist >> however I in my Yeah okay yeah but in my experience

Jackie (OF Manager)Like, and I don't know if this is like an opinion overall, but as like a super soft, empathetic person, usually like narcissists, they seek that out cuz they can take advantage of that cuz like

Jackie (OF Manager)you're the opposite of them. They're attracted to that. >> Okay. >> They're not going to ever date another narcissist. >> Yeah. >> That would be like the most worst relationship in their life. >> Wait, you've only dated one narcissist? >> Yes. Only one. >> Whether diagnosed or

Brian Atlas>> he was diagnosed, but yes. closer to uh scoot the mic to the edge of the table. >> Uh yeah, he was diagnosed only one. >> Just one. One for you. One narcissist. >> Schizophrenic >> or schizophrenic? >> Yeah, he probably was a narcissist. >> Just one. Just one.

Brian Atlas>> How many narcissists have you dated? All of them. >> Yeah, that's what it is. >> Really? >> Yeah. And it I promise it's not me cuz I'm so >> I'm nice.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> Okay. Uh so how many narcissists have you dated? >> Dated, talked to? Like at least like eight. I don't know. It's a guesstimate. Like >> eight. Okay. What about you?

Asia>> Just one. But he wasn't diagnosed. I tried like to drag him to therapy or like any type of help, but he wouldn't. So, you can't get diagnosed without going. >> Okay. Uh, what about you? You said you dated Was it just the one narcissist?

Emily (Coach)>> One alleged narcissist. >> Alleged narcissist. Okay. What about you? >> One who I think was avoidantly attached with narcissistic tendencies. I'll clarify. >> Yeah. Narcissistic tendencies. Emphasis on that. >> Okay. What about you?

Poss>> Probably last couple. Last couple guys were narcissists. Poss. What about you? >> Just one. I'm just gonna title him a narcissist. >> But not not diagnosed. >> No. >> No diagnos.

Brian Atlas>> She's diagnosing a lot. >> One legitimate diagnosis. >> Y'all uh you know >> I seem the worst. >> No diagnos. No diagnosing. >> Hey, I'm not a therapist. >> So, is a narcissist a guy who just

Jackie (OF Manager)disagrees with you? Is that >> No, it goes way further than the way they treat us and the way they act about things. Also, I the last guy I like really seriously was with, he literally

Jackie (OF Manager)told me he thinks he's a sociopath and he was definitely undiagnosed, but he thought he is. And he was definitely narcissistic. >> Maybe it's narcissistic tendencies. Maybe. >> Have you dated a narcissist?

Brian Atlas>> Yeah. >> Um, I dated a girl with borderline personality disorder >> when I was young. >> That's not the same though. >> No, >> it could be worse. I don't know. >> It could be worse. >> It might be worse. relable. Fair enough.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> Yeah, I was young though. I was a bit naive in that relationship. Um, >> yeah. >> Real quick question cuz you were talking about like there's some like personality disorders that therapy can't fix, which borderline is one of those things

Jackie (OF Manager)>> like medication can't completely fix it >> there. It's something that someone has always, but do you think of that as a negative trait or like do you think that

Jackie (OF Manager)someone could like turn that into being a better person cuz they're more aware >> of those traits and themselves? >> Uh, is it a good trait that they have?

Brian Atlas>> Well, could it be a positive thing cuz they're more like aware? >> Nope. >> Okay. >> What is it a good thing? >> No, I'm not saying >> mental illness is never a good thing. >> I'm not saying it's a good thing. No, mental illness never good. >> Okay.

Brian Atlas>> Never good. >> Yeah. >> I one time I had a girl argue and I I said this about bipolar and the bipolar community came after me. >> Uh and they were like, "Well, the all

Brian Atlasthese geniuses and artists are bipolar, blah blah." like, well, I mean, maybe it's the case that sometimes mental illnesses can manifest itself in exceptionality in certain realms or

Brian Atlaswhatever, but uh when it comes to dating, h I'm good. I'm good. Just give me basic give me basic. Give me mentally healthy.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> Yeah. So, you don't think someone with like borderline or bipolar could ever be mentally healthy? >> I think they can. Well, bipolar I believe there's medication for it. They can take >> borderline.

Brian Atlas>> Uh, so borderline I'm not I believe yeah there's no medication. Bipolar there is. And so these are um >> these are personality disorders though, right? So it falls under sort of under

Brian Atlaswhat there's a specific term for it that is kind of evading me. But uh they do fall under uh personality disorders. Uh, so bipolar I do believe there's

Brian Atlasmedication BPD. I think you can do >> therapy. You have to do like what's it called? Like DPT. Yeah. >> Cluster B. >> Oh, cluster B. Thank you. Yes. Well,

Brian Atlaswell, yes. Good job, Nick. Wait, let me uh Nice. Thank you. >> Yes, cluster B personality disorders. Yeah. So, um >> I mean,

Brian Atlasand well, there's severity, too. Yeah. Some is minor, some is major. Generally speaking though, there's people who don't have these diseases

Brian Atlas>> or they could and they're undiagnosed. >> You could just you could just date >> Look, I'm not saying like if somebody's fine with dating somebody who has >> I'm not saying these people are

Brian Atlasirredeemable. >> So, do we not deserve good people? Uh well I mean when I'm >> us mentally ill ones >> this this is never this is never a

Brian Atlasjudgment about somebody's worth as a human being or their value as a human being. I'm always approaching it from the dating paradigm. >> You're talking about preference. >> So from a if I had a daughter

Brian Atlas>> I would tell my daughter don't date the guy who has schizophrenia. >> Yeah. >> I would say don't date the guy who's got XYZ issue. >> Okay. >> I would tell her not to do it.

Brian Atlas>> Yeah. I'd be I wouldn't do some kumbaya [ __ ] Well, >> you're like, "Don't be a guy that has a throat tattoo." >> Don't. Yeah, I would tell her. >> My family says no face t guys.

Brian Atlas>> Here's my If I had a daughter, no Soundcloud rappers that >> we can all agree on that. >> No rappers, period. >> Unless uh >> no, >> you know, I'd tell her I'd said,

Jackie (OF Manager)"Don't." Yeah. I'd be like, "Don't date these guys. These guys, these guys." >> Um Yeah. So anyways, >> well I'm coming from a place just to touch on this and we can move on.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> Um, personally I have BPD. However, people who know me very personally have known me for a long time. Like I've been, we'll just say gas lit, we'll just say that loosely by my friends. They've been like, I don't really think you have

Jackie (OF Manager)BPD cuz you're so controlled. Like I'm very like self-aware. I don't like split like on people. Like when I'm feeling that way, I do it alone. But like I

Jackie (OF Manager)still have it. So, I get what you're saying, like there's levels to it, you know, but it is something that can't just be healed. And that's why I'm in therapy. I journal. I do the selfwork personally, but it's still present in me. >> Mhm.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> But just cuz like someone wouldn't guess I have it. >> Okay. >> You know, >> sure. >> But like if I were to tell someone I have BPD and they just wrote me off, that'd be like, well, you didn't even really get to know. >> I mean, I'll just be super blunt and

Jackie (OF Manager)honest with you. >> If a girl told me she has BPD, >> I'm done. But it's not that's valid, but you know, it's not her fault because it comes from like wound. >> She's just not the one for me.

Brian Atlas>> Well, yeah. No, you'reowed to have a >> I'm not saying like maybe there's a guy out there who's okay with it. >> Yeah. No, no, no. >> But I'm speaking for me. >> Yeah. >> I wish you the best. >> Yeah. You're allowed to have a preference. There's a market for

Brian Atlaseverything. >> I'm not dating another girl with BPD. Um >> Yeah. >> I did it once. >> Yeah. It can be rough. >> Very young, very naive. >> Brian, are you traumatized? You seem a

Brian Atlaslittle >> I mean luckily luckily luckily for me the girl I did date who had BPD it was fairly mild but even that was

Brian Atlas>> traumatizing rough >> so okay I want to have trauma >> I don't like this and I I know you're not trying to like actually do this I don't like the terms >> trauma and abuse

Brian Atlas>> because it gets overused. So, for example, if somebody's an [ __ ] to me and they could be a major [ __ ] >> yeah,

Brian Atlas>> I would never categorize that as I was abused or I experienced trauma. I think in relationships, people can be

Brian Atlasjerks, they can be [ __ ] and sometimes that can pass through the threshold to abuse depending on what they do. But I'd say generally speaking, if a guy was a jerk or an [ __ ] to

Brian Atlasyou, that isn't depends on the context and all the criteria that doesn't pass into the threshold of abuse. >> I do think the term's been overused and

Bailey (Nursing)then it invalidates actual >> Can I have you tilt your mic down? >> Down. >> Yeah, tilt it down. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So, I do invalidates >> one thing. One thing,

Brian Atlas>> just to be clear, I think it's bad to be a jerk or an [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> But I don't think we should I don't think we should categorize all wrongs under one umbrella of trauma or abuse.

Brian Atlas>> I agree. >> So, uh, >> you're good. >> Well, I think >> but it can like the [ __ ] behavior can like depend on what I would need certain it can cross into the threshold. Yeah,

Brian Atlas>> but I wouldn't just say like if what for example, let me ask you guys this. You were in a you dated a guy for one year and for most of the year it was great, but like three times both of you raised

Brian Atlasyour voices at each other like three times during an argument. I don't think either person or even if it was one directional like it was the guy raised his voice to his girlfriend three times. >> I don't think that was abuse. I don't

Bailey (Nursing)think that's abuse. I >> I dated a guy for like 2 years and yeah, we had like arguments here and there, but like I don't think he was abusive at all. >> Like I would never categorize him or if

Bailey (Nursing)the girl that was like got upset. >> I did crash out sometimes and yeah, I was kind of crazy, but like I don't think he'd cuse. >> No, I think it depends on intent. I think that like if you're trying to

Jackie (OF Manager)intimidate or scare that person or make them feel not safe, then yeah, I think that's a little abusive. I wouldn't say apparently an abusive. >> There's a reason why you can get arrested for it like because you can get

Jackie (OF Manager)arrested for like raising your voice and like scaring someone. It's still like a domestic violence situation. The context matters. Exactly. >> So there could be a specific scenario

Brian Atlaslike for example if even if it's not just the singular instance like if you murder somebody and that happened one time that's abuse. I mean that's definitely abusive >> unless it's self-defense like

Brian Atlas>> well sure >> but I think you know you otherwise had like a good relationship and one or two times like one time >> you you guys both raised your voices or something. >> Yeah, sure.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> Neither of you were in an abusive >> in that context. I think that's totally fine. I just think it means intent. You know what I mean? Like it depends on your intent. Like me being 410, if I had like a 65 boyfriend and he was like

Jackie (OF Manager)getting my face, yelling at me, I think that's a little abusive. I don't think it is abuse, but I think that's abusive tendencies because then I feel unsafe >> and I think it can like it can get

Brian Atlasworse. Like that's the first part. >> So you're saying there can be a specific act which is abusive, but it doesn't mean generally >> Well, yeah. Cuz if you lay your hands on someone Sorry, I'm so sorry you can speak in a second. I know you've been

Jackie (OF Manager)trying to talk. I'm so sorry. >> Um I think like >> I mean cuz when you're talking to someone that way and raising you're trying to like intimidate them and make them feel scared. I think like that's

Jackie (OF Manager)the same thing as like hitting them one time. You're trying to like you're trying to control them and put them in like a box of like not crossing you again, you know, like you're trying to

Emily (Coach)control them and hurt them whether it's emotionally or physically. So I think the line here is that again two people can go through the exact same situation in the exact same circumstances and have an entirely different response. Meaning

Emily (Coach)that they can date the same person and be yelled at and screamed at and one person will be completely fine and the other person will be traumatized because it's not just about the experience. It's about how their nervous system changes

Emily (Coach)in response to that experience. It is something that is a chemical change that happens in their brain and their body and their horone hormones. It activates fight or flight and that is enough to be

Emily (Coach)considered tra somebody having a traumatizing experience. Does it necessarily mean that the person who caused the traumatizing experience is necessarily in the wrong or did

Emily (Coach)something bad or did something evil or was trying to create that? No. But you can be traumatized by something and that's your responsibility to work through that to make your nervous system feel safe again.

Brian Atlas>> Wait, wait, wait. One clarifying question on this. So you're saying the the trauma is subjective based on the person's reaction to it. So for example,

Brian Atlaslike if I was in a relationship with a girl and I tickled her once and you know I tickled her side or

Brian Atlaswhatever and to her that was traumatic. Is she objectively traumatized? So, I mean it would depend on the response, but like let me give you an example. Let

Emily (Coach)me add some context for that. Sure. Sure. So, let's say as a child as a form of punishment, guess we're in a we're in a tickling scenario, but let's say as a form of punishment, she would get tickled, but to the point where like tickling was a form of torture and back

Emily (Coach)in the day. So, let's say like you tickle for three seconds. >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just give me a second. Just give me a second. So, let's just So, back then she was tickled to the point of being traumatized. Okay. And then what happens to you, Brian, is

Emily (Coach)that if you tickle her, it brings her nervous system back to that part because she hasn't ex she hasn't worked through her stuff and she still has that trigger. That doesn't mean that you were an abusive partner. That means that

Emily (Coach)that's a trigger, but she has a traum but it could be ret-raumatizing for her. >> I see what you're saying. Okay. Um well, would it be >> would it be abuse though?

Emily (Coach)So that's where >> I think only if you did it like knowingly like knowing it's a trigger for >> if you didn't know it was like your first time. >> Well, no. Like like I told you. Yeah. If you were just tickling her as like for to be funny or whatever and she got and she got triggered that's her

Jackie (OF Manager)responsibility and that's not you being an abuser. No. >> Okay. >> Well, I don't think it's her responsibility. I feel like for a lot of people triggers don't just go away at all. >> Yeah. It just be like your decision at that point if you're willing to stay with her and work through not doing that or if you're going to do that

Emily (Coach)intentionally. And that is a little abusive. >> Sure. Like in partnership, yes. If your partner has triggers, like you know, that's something to take account. And while they're working through it, your partner should be considerate of that. Like, you know, and what I will say is

Emily (Coach)that again, I work with people who are traumatized all the time. And triggers, all that really means is that there's something within your nervous system that doesn't feel regulated and that doesn't feel seen and is still reliving that trauma. So, you have to do some

Jackie (OF Manager)deep seatic work, but it's possible to not be triggerable anymore. >> Exactly. Exactly. And like another thing that I've learned about is like exposure therapy, which is super like scary and unfortunate, but if you like do it the

Jackie (OF Manager)right way, I think like if you had a partner that really just >> they like to tickle you, you know? Like as long as you're working through it, I think that's okay. But like if they're doing it intentionally with intent to

Brian Atlasupset you and trigger you, then I think that's an abusive characteristic. >> Uh JJ, thank you for the gifted 10 memberships. I do appreciate that. We have a couple chats I need to read here. We have blah fest. Uh Isabella, can I have you read these?

Isabella (Bio)>> Yeah. If you don't see a red flag when she's comfortable looking like she has been slapped in the face by a tackle box, you'll learn what >> this came in about an hour ago. Um >> I don't know if it was about the tattoo

Isabella (Bio)discussion. >> Uh we have this one coming in from Roma Army. If you can read it. >> All right. These women are doing everything they can to avoid saying it's okay when I do it to men, but I'm offended when it's done to me. They

Isabella (Bio)aren't intelligent or even feminist. They're bigots and lip glo lip gloss. >> Oh, she she really feels very strongly about this. Said it again. >> Getting her point across. Gloss on. >> You don't. >> Thank you, Chloe. Appreciate it. >> I had lip gloss on.

Isabella (Bio)>> Oh, can you read this one from base Thor? Thank you, man. >> And you look good. >> Uh, hey, Pascetti. It's nice to see you on the panel again. You look great. But I >> But you look better sitting in the passenger seat of my car, though. But I

Possdon't know if I want you wearing my ex's underwear when I see you. Hey, >> what's that refer? >> What does that mean? >> Bay store. Did you know Bay Store? >> No. >> What the [ __ ] >> When were you wearing X's underwear?

Poss>> Yeah. What? What is up? Different story from a different podcast. >> Sitting in my passenger seat wearing X's underwear. Wait. Oh,

Poss>> you wore >> Wait, pause. Tell us the story super quick. Tell us the story. >> Please share. Um, I I had a situationship and one of the times I

Posswent over to his house, I found another girl's panties on his couch in his bedroom and I didn't want to like confront him about it just yet. So, the next time I went over, I I wore them,

Possright? >> And then you cleaned it though, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. That's all I care about, you know? >> But like, did he notice? >> Wait, here's the important question. Did you have sex with him? >> Yes.

Brian Atlas>> But did he notice you were wearing those other recap recap here? She You were dating this guy. Was it your boyfriend? >> Um, no. >> Guy you were saying? >> Yeah.

Brian Atlas>> She discovers another girl's panties. She She swipes the panties. Then the next time she sees them, she wears the panties to confront him. Like, gotcha.

Jackie (OF Manager)Then she [ __ ] him. >> Poss. Come on. when you put it like that. >> Well, but to acknowledge that guy's comment, just don't have your >> You showed him

Isabella (Bio)>> really showed him. >> Yeah. >> Uh Isabella, can you read a girl this one? >> Yeah. To call someone who hasn't gone through trauma as quote unquote boring is incredibly disingenuous. If parents were able to shield and protect children

Brian Atlasfrom their traumas of the world inside and out of the home, I would call that person blessed, not boring. I agree. >> You can be both. Oh, we still have Chloe in the chat. Thank you, Chloe.

Brian Atlas>> I'm surprised she hasn't come for me. Uh, she hasn't come for me for my takes on tattoos. >> Yeah, that was the girl you were talking about with the neckt, right? >> Well, she was on the show. >> Yeah. Uh, Isabella, can you read this one?

Isabella (Bio)>> Sorry, guys. I don't know that sent so many times. Lmo, but either way, it's enough for Champagne Pops for the girls or not. So, the champagne pops have to be >> they have to be a thousand in as an

Brian Atlasindividual send. >> There's another option, Chloe. I don't know if you're into cryptocurrency. We have for one Ethereum and the wallet is in the description. We have a ball of

Brian Atlascrystalall, which is one of the uh most expensive balls of, you know, it's like $500 ball of champagne. Uh wait, hold on. We have two people who can't underhage, but whatever. Uh the other

Brian Atlasthe other panelists, they can have some champagne. So Chloe, if you >> So Chloe, if you want to send in a champagne pop, it's uh it's $999 for a regular bottle for one Ethereum. Uh

Brian Atlasprices are a bit high on Ethereum right now. We'll pop a bottle of champagne in your honor for either of them. And uh that'd be very generous and kind of you, Chloe. But, uh, I guess really quick to

Jackie (OF Manager)finish off on the piercings and tattoo conversation. Uh, I mean, I think we kind of >> Didn't we finish that while >> it's a while ago? I think you brought it back up because of Chloe, but I think >> No, no, not because of Chloe. I think

Brian Atlasyou maybe asked me a question like, okay, why why is it a red flag? What does it >> What is it? Oh, I think the final thing I want to say on this tattoos, piercings. Uh, so men, you know, we

Brian Atlastypically we care about body count. We don't want to date a trumpet. And um >> what is a trumpet? >> Trumpet. It's a polite way to say >> uh a woman who's a Oh, basically >> promiscuous.

Bailey (Nursing)>> Promiscuous. Yeah. >> It's probably the nicest way to say >> lady of the night. Okay. >> Sorry. >> I don't know all the lingo. So, I think one of the prejudgments that you might

Brian Atlasget from somebody who >> has a lot of tattoos >> is promiscuity. >> Where does that come from? Where does that come from? >> Yeah, cuz all of my tattoos are family. >> Common sense, I guess.

Brian Atlas>> Common sense. >> Common sense. >> Common sense. I don't think that's common sense. >> When I see, look, when I see a girl who's blast who's got a neck tattoo, my first like I'm not immediately thinking virgin.

NyxI'm thinking >> I'm thinking she's at she's [ __ ] a bit. >> So what if I >> I think you watch too much porn. I think that's what it is. I've never I've never seen this like in public like I've never seen any kind of correlation between

Jackie (OF Manager)tattoos and like promiscuity. >> There's a for sure correlation >> from where where does that come from? >> What do you mean where does it come from? >> Where does that association come from? >> I think that's just your assumption. >> No. Yeah. I like

Brian Atlas>> that's your assumption from your own experience which is totally okay. I feel like that definitely stems from point. >> Can I ask you a question? So, if you saw a guy who had a cleancut haircut and no

Brian Atlastattoos versus a guy, I don't know what his hair f whatever [ __ ] boy haircut whatever I don't know.

Brian Atlas>> And he's just blasted in tattoos. If you had to make a guess between two of which one had slept with more women, if you

Brian Atlashad to lean like is it the guy? Wait, wait, hold on. If you had to lean in one direction to which guy is more has slept with more women, would it be the guy with the tattoos >> or the guy with no tattoos?

Nyx>> You're not gonna like my hot take, but first of all, want to establish I don't think there's any association, but I associate clean guys with being a frat guy, which I associate with promiscuity.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> I was about to say can be little hoes. >> That makes me more inclined to think that he's a man [ __ ] And it's a funny thing to ask because like it's kind of joking, but I am being serious. A guy with a clean cut and no tattoos, I

Brian Atlasprobably wouldn't even notice. So, I don't really know. >> What about this then? And I I'll continue to engage with you on on the tattoo thing. What about a woman who has nipple piercings? >> Do you think that this is potentially an

Bailey (Nursing)indicator of a greater level of promiscuity? >> I've never I don't see an association. >> What about tongue piercing? >> No, I don't see an association. You're not going to know I have nipple piercings. Unless you see my nipples, though.

Brian Atlas>> Yeah, they're visible. >> So, you've already you've already gone that far. >> Then you're looking through a shirt. >> Absolutely. Yeah. >> Okay, cool. >> Not with that ski bra now.

Brian Atlas>> Y >> look, I think again it's So, okay, how about this? It's technically possible that a woman could have hundreds of

Jackie (OF Manager)tattoos and all these piercings and be a virgin. I wouldn't bet on it. >> Well, sure. But like >> nipple piercings, >> she's probably like >> I feel like that goes either way. Why

Emily (Coach)would you want someone that's a virgin? >> You can make that. >> Why would you want someone that's a virgin? That's kind of weird. >> That's a little I just like to point out that Brian's

Emily (Coach)argument is kind of going against his own thing, which he stated earlier that men are less attracted to women with tattoos, but they are somehow more promiscuous. Wait, >> so more men want them because they're promiscuous because they're sleeping

Emily (Coach)with all these men that want them, right? Is that what you're saying? >> I don't know what your logical reasoning is, so I'm open to you explaining, but your your original statement about tattoos was that I think for most men that tattoos are either a neutral or a

Emily (Coach)negative. So, I would be less attracted to somebody with tattoos. However, somehow having tattoos as a woman means that you would be if you're less attractive, you should be getting less sex, right? If that's your view of how

Brian Atlasmen view women. >> Yeah. So, how are they more promiscuous? Devil's advocate. He said neutral. >> So, the logic there is is flawed.

Brian Atlas>> Uh so, I think men have differing preferences and dating or and different dating and sexual strategies. So, for example, men will regularly have sex with women who they will never consider

Brian Atlasfor long-term relationship. That's fair. So, my paradigm, uh, there's no dispute that women who have tattoos can get laid. Uh, any woman, and there's all kinds of factors

Brian Atlashere, uh, even like women who aren't even physically attractive can be massive [ __ ] Obese women can be massive [ __ ] Can't really say the same about guys

Brian Atlasreally when it comes to like attraction, but that's a different conversation. So, that's kind of where I'm coming at it from. Like there's no dispute that women with tattoos can get laid. I don't

Brian Atlasdispute that. But when it comes to what men prefer and find attractive, especially as it relates to long-term relationships, then

Brian Atlasmen are going to probably more so prioritize certain things. Like for me personally, if a girl's a trumpet, if a girl's blasting tattoos, like that makes no

Brian Atlasreally doesn't make a difference when it comes to like am I cuz okay, for me, I don't I'm not interested in a one night stand. Like if I want to sleep with a girl, I want there to be continuity. I'm

Brian Atlasnot going to sleep with a girl once just to do it. Waste of my time. So baked into my perspective, there is this component. If if I'm looking at a girl, it's not just, well, I'm just trying to

Brian Atlas[ __ ] her, so I don't really I'm going to like I'm going to give her a pass on the tattoos or the BPD. If I sleep with the girl, >> why are you talking about me? >> Yeah. >> Oh my god.

Brian Atlas>> She fits the bill, right? So, >> yeah, I am literally I'm that. >> So, my paradigm is the women I sleep with is also the women I want to be in a relationship with. >> Yeah.

Brian Atlas>> I don't want to just [ __ ] a girl once. like then I could lower my standards, I guess, and just be like, "Well, okay, whatever. She's got tattoos. She's not long-term potential. Whatever. I'll [ __ ] her anyways." That's not what I want to

Brian Atlasdo. So, that's my paradigm. But I I I think even guys who are more inclined to casual sex, they could even still I guess I'd frame it like this. Even I think guys who are inclined to

Brian Atlasjust sleeping with a girl once, if they can do it, they still probably would have a preference for getting with the girl who also meets their long-term standards. Like, if they

Brian Atlascould [ __ ] if they could have the girl for a long-term relationship, but also the girl for casual sex who also meets the criteria for what makes a a good woman for a long-term relationship, they

Brian Atlaswould pick it. But that would reduce their potential pool of casual sexual partners if they only would have sex with women, even casually, who met their criteria for long-term relationship. I think it just

Brian Atlascomes down to type. What your type is. >> To add to that though, last thing is I would say for example, you might some guys might say, well, uh, who you going to pick for a one night stand though?

Brian AtlasThe girl who's like [ __ ] a bunch of dudes or the girl who hasn't, who's a virgin? I would argue if the guy could get a virgin for a one night stand, even

Brian Atlasif the sex would arguably be like she wouldn't be as good in bed. A lot of guys are picking the virgin if if she is available for one night stand. Most virgins are not going to have a one

Brian Atlasnight stand. Some will, but overwhelmingly most guys will pick the virgin for the one night stand if they have the option. >> Literally, why though? >> What's the motivation? >> What do you mean why? >> Is it a power thing?

Brian Atlas>> Uh, it's a couple things. I mean, one, like somebody's a virgin, doesn't have STDs. That's kind of a turn on. Like, I feel like that's kind of a big thing. Like, okay, like, is she clean? >> You don't have STDs. Turn on. >> I feel like it's a little weird.

Brian Atlas>> Yeah, I think Yes, I think it's a turn on if >> I feel like safe that I'm not going to get herpes from a woman. Yeah, that's kind >> How old are you when you're looking out for this virgin? Cuz like if we're like

Jackie (OF Manager)26, 30, like whatever, like >> you want a virgin at 30 years old. Like that's kind of weird >> in my opinion. >> Why is it weird? >> Cuz like I feel like virgin is

Jackie (OF Manager)associated with being younger, which doesn't mean it necessarily. You could be a virgin be 40. That's fine. We've seen the 40-year-old virgin. But like >> Sure. I mean, but you you do acknowledge like 30-year-old women can be virgin.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> They can be. It's very rare. >> Adult women who are 19, 20, 21, 22 can be virgin. >> I just personally would never look for a virgin man. I've never been as a virgin. I don't want to. >> Yeah. But women and men are different. >> We're attract there's not symmetry in

Jackie (OF Manager)what we find attractive. >> No. And that's fair. But there's not symmetry overall anyways, but like >> I just I don't know. Like I feel like I'd rather someone be a little experienced. As long as they are clean, that's cool.

SPEAKER_01>> So again, there's not symmetry that >> Well, I like women too. So, >> but you're a woman. >> One sec. I'm going to let the chat come in >> and I'll get right to it. >> Donated $200.

SPEAKER_01>> Thank you, man. Appreciate it. >> Times have changed. When I was young, if I saw someone with a nectar, too, they were about to show me a dead body. Now, it just means that they are going to make an amazing latte.

Brian Atlas>> Fair enough. >> I can't make a good latte. >> This is real. >> Thank you, Blest. And then uh Isabelle, I'm going to have you read the one that or wait, there's going to be this then another one that's below. And then we

Brian Atlashave one from Chloe. So don't read this one. Thank you, Pasty, though. And then we're going to read one from Chloe Roma. And then we're going to get into the tea app stuff after we have the convo. Oh,

Isabella (Bio)can you read this one? >> Yep. I'm not into Bitcoin. Sorry, Brian. Y'all are doing great. If that message comes in again, it's a glitch. And no, I'm not offended, Brian. You're entitled to your opinion. Yeah. And again, like it's I can be friends with somebody

Brian Atlaswho's got tattoos just from a dating angle. Like wouldn't be my preference to date somebody who's got a bunch of tattoos. Doesn't mean somebody else can date them. >> Yeah. >> Don't think they're a bad person. Just

Brian Atlas>> not my preference when it comes to dating. Um, okay. The ver now we're getting into body count virgin thing. Uh, sure. I'll bite. >> Oh man, >> I'll bite on this. Um, so you said it's weird. >> Just personally, that's how I feel.

Brian Atlas>> Okay. Why? Why is it weird? Are you talking about like me taking a man's virginity or a man taking a woman like looking out for virgins? Like >> So your position is you think it's weird for a man to >> prefer

Jackie (OF Manager)>> prefer or have an attraction for I guess either low body count women or virgin women. >> I think we just need to normalize hooking up with someone, having them get tested. Like let me see your test

Jackie (OF Manager)results. Make sure you're clean. >> Why should we normalize hooking up? hooking up with. If you're going to be having sex with someone, I think we should just normalize having them their test like their test results available.

Jackie (OF Manager)>> Well, you're smuggling in the STD component, but why should we normalize like casual sex? Do you think >> we all want pleasure and we all have different preferences? If you want to have sex with someone specifically when

Jackie (OF Manager)you're in a relationship with them, that's okay. That's totally okay. Like, I think a big like basis of what we've been talking about is all preference. And I think it's totally okay to want to

Brian Atlashook up just for sexual pleasure cuz we're all sexual beings and that's okay. >> Okay. I mean, look, people have occasional flings or one night stands or whatever. >> Um, but when it gets to the point where

Brian Atlasyou're getting you're entering a territory of promiscuity, >> uh, I don't think I don't think men and well, especially women are not satisfied with this kind of dynamic generally speaking. At least that's my sense of it

Brian Atlas>> as a woman. And I know a lot of women that are okay with it. Actually, they'd rather just hook up a relationship. >> There are women who are okay with it. But generally speaking, when I hear

Brian Atlascomplaints from women, uh it's about men not wanting to commit and men being [ __ ] boys. So, how do you reconcile women's complaints, women's complaints about men not wanting to commit to them and

Brian Atlasencountering these [ __ ] boys who just run through them and just want to use them for sex? So, reconcile hookup. Hookup's good, but also women upset that men just want to hook up and not commit

Jackie (OF Manager)to them. >> Well, I can only speak for like my experience and what I've learned from other women. Of course, this isn't universal. However, I've experienced men saying they want a relationship to get

Jackie (OF Manager)into a woman's pants and then they that's not really what they want. >> Sure. Okay. I So, men lying about their intentions. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's wrong. >> Yeah. >> Shouldn't do that. So, I think there's a

Emily (Coach)line too between being satisfied and fulfilled. I don't think anybody's fulfilled necessarily or or not the majority of the population is fulfilled by casual sex, but men or women, >> but they can be satisfied and have fun

Emily (Coach)with it. Just women might be more vocal about it, but I think a lot of men are really seeking companionship right now. >> I'm going to ask you this question, then I'll open it up to the panel. Mhm.

Brian Atlas>> In terms of what you think would be best for society for creating a high functioning society and a high trust society especially between men and women. If you had a lean in one

Brian Atlasdirection or the other, if we had a society that had more of a leaning towards long-term relationships and monogamy versus a society that leans

Brian Atlasmore towards casual sex, which society do you think would be better? loaded question. I'm going to say long-term relationship. Why is that? Is it loaded? I don't >> It's a little loaded because I think the

Jackie (OF Manager)cool thing about casual sex is there's more freedom in it. >> Okay. >> You know, so I think like that might make happier people rather than being like stuck like you it's not stuck, but like you could end up stuck with one

Jackie (OF Manager)person. However, I think what will actually make people like happier longterm is if you're in a long-term relationship with someone that actually makes you happy. Like a healthy relationship. Yes. I think long term.

Brian Atlas>> Are you poly? Just do you do poly dynamics? >> Okay. >> No. I mean, I'm fun, but I'm not poly. >> Well, I think here's the thing, I guess.

Brian AtlasWhat is the What's the motivation for men to commit if there's just an abundance of casual sex to be had?

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